Quarantined Extrovert

I am not used to being left alone with my thoughts. There is a thin line between our current reality and a multitude of other worlds that seemingly don't exist to some people. My philosophy, however, is that if your brain is able to visualize it even in the most rudimentary form, it exists. I don't know what dimension my brain functions in, and most likely neither do you, but whatever world that is, it exists there. Let me take a step back.

My regular non-quarantined weekday consisted of staying out of the house for 10-11 hours without any reroutes, mostly commuting, and coming home to assignments. It wasn't the most spontaneous routine to have in itself. However, I was grateful for having a long commute where I could see things and travel for more than 2 hours every single day. To me 'running errands on the way home' meant a vast range of things including casually going out to dinner or the mall right after class without changing my projected route. I spoke to dozens of people every single day and got loads of work done, and life was generally fantastic. So how did I go from being extremely materialistic, to… whatever has been happening in my brain in the past few weeks? Quarantine was scary at first. I was not used to being alone whatsoever, and for the longest time I didn't know what to do with myself after my self-imposed work hours. I have a tendency to get bored easily if I have nothing to do, but I don't overwork myself either. So what did I do with all my free time? I started meditating, as one does. If you've ever really gotten into meditation, you know it's one of the most calming feelings ever. It has the ability to transform people in the best, most drastic ways possible. However, the feeling turned out to be very, very familiar to me. I have dug deeper as a daydreaming teenager before, unknowingly, but sometimes you get in one tier of inception too deep, and you lose count. I have seen things, I have felt things. I have realized things about myself and the world that I never would've known had I continued to spend every single day feeding my ego, ignoring other parts of me.

The patterns I have been observing are far too strategically placed to be a coincidence. I don't know whether it was planned or not, and I will most likely never know. Realistically speaking (finally, am I right?), there are a multitude of things every average human being needs to do to climb all those ladders that make you seemingly successful in life. Becoming self-aware and knowing what you are all at once, however, is a whole different story. It hits you like a train wreck and you can't look away, because it's just too much information at once, and for someone with an average brain but a slow mind like mine, things that are not logical in nature take a while to get acknowledged. When you're impatient, it's extremely caging to know what you need to do to evolve, but not be able to do it because your skill set is not up to the mark yet. Patience is truly, truly a virtue, and I undoubtedly haven't been blessed with it. Ironically, when your spiritual side is working in a parallel, you have the willpower and drive to find answers, but the Universe has its charms where it limits you. We talk about exploring the space, but we haven't even explored majority of our own oceans yet. If we get too close to the core, we're ash. If we're out for too long, our time and space are out of sync with the rest of the humans. There is only so much the humankind is able to do as of today. These were the physical limits, but what about the mental ones? Recreational drugs like marijuana have been known to make people see all kinds of things and have all kinds of revelations. People have found the answers to the worst dilemmas of their own life, while being under its influence. At the same time, prolonged marijuana usage (also known as abuse) can limit brain activity. It technically is giving you answers but stunting your mental growth over time. In conclusion, there is only a certain level of things humans are 'allowed' to know about the world. In my opinion, everybody's truth is different. Everybody's idea of justice, right or wrong, black or white, and good or bad is different. But they're all true. Everything is true. If your brain has come up with something and your heart truly believes it's true, then it is. Morality aside, for me there is no point questioning anybody on their beliefs, no matter how different they are from mine. I believe everyone forms opinions based on certain principles of their own. But all of our opinions and principles are subsets of a greater truth, but that's what they are- subsets. They aren't separate from it, they are a part of it, hence everything is true. They are just different species of truth. In a world like this, can one really question the possibility of existence of what hasn't been proven… yet? The answer is yes. Not everyone has had a chance to think about it yet. If you're reading this, how did you make it this far? But also, this could be the first time for a lot of you, who knows? Either way, thank you for taking the time to read a quarantined extrovert's spiritual adventures. <3